A Free Spirit from Jersey

Well it was brought to my attention that I should probably share some exciting news over here. While it is still a work in progress, I have begun blogging again. But this time, I've changed addresses. If you want to continue to follow along with the ramblings of my life, you can meet me over at Living on Caffeine and Kindness. I promise to keep it interesting by sharing real life experiences, whether they are struggles or triumphs!

I get up most mornings at 5am to practice yoga. However, yoga wasn't always about peace and understanding for me.

When I began my yoga practice - about 4 years ago - I never imagined it would bring me to this place in my life. Yoga was originally about flexibility and being able to do handstands. I was all about the look of yoga and couldn't understand the spiritual side that so many people said they found with yoga.

About a year ago, I found myself needing an outlet for additional stress in my life. Yoga came back into my life in a big way. I had practiced on my own for a while, but I began to seek professional support in my practice. This was about the time I really started to understand how important yoga could be towards my healing.

I have dealt with anxiety and depression for a number of years. Different seasons of my life have been scattered with different variations of these illnesses. It was not until very recently that I found comfort in writing and talking about my illnesses.

A few months ago, I was in the midst of a really dark period of life. My doctor had become concerned with our current treatment plan. I had lowered my anxiety pill dosage and was no longer seeking help from my therapist. I thought I was doing the right thing, but my life was slowly crumbling around me. I didn't know how to regain control.
My doctor wanted to put me back on stronger pills. The specific pills that he was suggesting have made me feel lost and spacey in the past. I knew I wanted to try something else first - even if it was out of desperation.

I began to meditate and force myself to let go of constant control. I still struggle with the control thing, as well as many other underlying issues. But I work on it daily. I also began the practice of waking up at 5am and getting on my yoga mat.

My best friend made the official call, as he had for so long. Going back to therapy was no longer an option - it was a requirement.

I will be the first person to admit that every person is different. Different treatment options work for different people. However, I give so much credit to yoga for saving my life. Yoga, therapy, good friends, and those little white pills that I tried to ignore for so long.

My life is far from perfect, and it probably always will be. Depression is ugly and it requires so many avenues of hope in order to be managed. But if you find something that works, stick with it. This life is worth living and you are worth so much more than the negative thoughts.

Y'all if you didn't read my post last week then you may not know it, but my teacher heart is struggling. Teachers have enough pressure and negativity coming from people who "don't get us." But when we start to attack one another, we have reached a whole new level. We are each other's biggest support system, because yea, we get it. So when teachers start to bully one another, I start to lose my mind. I tell my littles all the time that when we don't make choices to build someone up, we hurt their heart. Teacher bullies, you are hurting our hearts.

We are supposed to be here for our students. Put them first.
We all have different viewpoints, different ways of getting something done, different beliefs. So long as your students are learning and my students are learning, let's move on.
We are professionals. We don't always all have to like one another. I'm not disillusioned enough to believe that everyone is gonna be best friends. But we need to respect one another. We need to not make anyone feel inferior to us.

Bullying is an ugly word in my classroom. We don't use it lightly. We don't say that someone is a bully just because they pushed someone that one time they were mad. We don't call someone a bully when they laugh at something silly and it accidentally hurts someone's feelings. Those things make them human. They make us all human; we make mistakes.

But I'm talking about the continuous tearing down of other teachers (of other people) without any regard for how they may feel. People who create negative work environments by their repeated negative actions. Those are the bullies. And it makes my teacher heart ache... because if you can't spot it when you yourself is headed down the path of becoming a bully, how are you supposed to teach children to recognize and rectify their actions when they are becoming a bully?

We should be focused on building each other up. We should be offering help, without offending the way that someone does something. We should be focused on our students and bettering their education. So teachers (all of you), I beg you to stop for a minute. Take a deep breathe. Think about something positive that has happened at work so far in 2017. Put a smile on your face. And go find another teacher to compliment. They could really need it right about now and you may not even know it.

To all the hard working teachers out there, you've got this. You are amazing. You are bigger than the teacher bullies and the negative vibes you may be feeling right about now. Just hang on for a little while longer, there is always a light at the end of the tunnel.

Also, everyone needs to go read Simply Kinder's post on Teacher Bullies; it's bookmarked to my school laptop!

You hear it all the time, it's not anything new. So why is nothing being done?

Teachers are tired. They are stressed. They are overwhelmed and under appreciated. And lately, I've been hearing teachers tear each other down. My teacher heart is aching. We are each other's biggest support system and if we start to attack one another, we really don't have a fighting chance.

So teacher friends, this one is for you.

I know you are tired. You are worn out from the last 5 months. Five months of complaining parents, whining children, nagging administration. Five months of school concerts, PTO events, and long after school hours. Five months of lesson plans that you rewrite six times because you aren't sure your littles got it. Five months of struggling and feeling like no one has your back.

I do. I know how you are feeling. I've been there. And while I may not be the most experienced, year-wise, I know what it is like to struggle. Three years into this job and I still come home 80% of the time and cry because it is just too much. The pressure from administration, the expectations of parents, the desire to have every child soar in your class. It is too much.

But when you feel that way, I want you to remember something. You became a teacher for a reason. It was a calling. It may have been the first and only calling you've ever had. I'm right there with you. I knew from the time I was in first grade that I was going to be a teacher. I wanted to teach kids to read and to solve math problems. I wanted to be my teachers; they were angels. You are an angel.

Maybe teaching is a calling that came to you later. You were working a desk job in a bank and just knew that wasn't for you. You knew that you needed to do something more with your life. Something extremely special. You felt it in your heart that teaching was the place for you.

Regardless of how you got here, there is one thing we all have in common. We don't do this for the new laws, for the administration and policies. We don't do this for the curriculum, the cute books about penguins, or the color-coded bins. We don't do this for numerous teacher mugs or the pretty flair pens that sit on our disorganized desks. We don't even do this for the parents and their sixty-two demands. Nope.

We do this for the kids.

My littles are my reason. They are my reason to get out of bed every day, my 22 reasons. And I hope they are yours as well. You do this job for them. You do this job to see the excitement on that struggling readers face when he finally gets through one page without missing a word. You do this for the good morning hugs after a long weekend. You do this for the 22 stickers on Chapter 2 math tests because everyone got a passing score. You do this for the happy dance moments when your top readers surpass their goal. You do this for the love of learning that you get to pass on each day by getting excited over a messy classroom that shows everyone learned something new today - even if that something new was just how to tie a shoe!

Teacher friends, you are amazing. You are the light in someone's life. You are the reason a child comes to school every day, not afraid that they will be ridiculed for messing something up.

I know it's hard. I know you are tired and you have probably thought this year is the end. But I promise you, it gets better! There are days that it better. Live for those days, and don't give up hope. You are doing the right thing and your students love you for it.

I adore you and all that you give to the lives of others. Remember, without you, no other profession would be possible. I encourage you to drink some coffee, put on some gangster rap, and just handle business. (or drink all the coffee, put on that classroom Pandora playlist, and give your all to your students).