If Money wasn't an Object

If money wasn't an object, would I still be doing what I do now?

It was my question so it was fair game to fire it back at me. But it still didn't make answering it any easier. I didn't don't know. And that scares the hell out of me. There was nothing I wanted more in life than to be a teacher. Now that I have it, I don't know if it's what I want anymore.

Well scratch that, I'd love to be a teacher. But that's not what I am. I'm a personal assistant, a physical/emotional/social/academic therapist/counselor, I'm a problem solver, a paperwork expert, and a nurse. I'm a punching bag for nasty comments from parents. I'm a fixture in a room that doesn't mean much to the kids who come in every day. But I sure as hell would not say I'm a teacher.
I'm lost and I'm sad and I'm more scared than those put together. But I'm not alone.

So if money was no object would I still be doing this? No. I probably wouldn't. And that answer may scare the hell out of me. But sometimes the truth does that to us.

If money was no object, I'd travel the world. I study languages in Spain, France, and Italy. I'd visit impoverished villages in India and Thailand, volunteering my time and skills. I'd pet a giraffe and ride an elephant in Africa. I'd live in a different zip code every few months. I'd see the world, the way I imagine it is supposed to be seen.

But eventually I'd want more than changing zip codes and personal items that all fit inside a suitcase. Eventually I'd want to settle down. But I'd know just the place because I'd have been there and experienced it for myself. I'd be satisfied with my choices instead of wondering what comes next.

I believe that sometimes we need to be scared in order to see where we are supposed to go next. It is easy for me to sit here and judge to life that I currently have. I know the ups and downs of my daily life. I know the parts that I don't like, but I know that they come as baggage with the parts that I do like.

So if money was no object, maybe I'd choose to do something different. But I'd probably learn that those things have ups and downs too.

But money is an object. And I do love my kids. And most days I feel like I've made a difference. And for now that has to be enough. That is enough.

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