My Final Goodbye


I'm pretty sure if I say your name again, Nick is gonna drive to find you and force you to come find me. He is tired of listening to me whine about how you left. He is over my obsession. And I think I am too. So this is my final vent, my final goodbye. I have a lot to say and I've been saying it to all the wrong people. This is my shout out to you, if you even realize this is about you.

I don't want to talk to you anymore. I don't want to cry over the lost relationship and the could have/should have beens. I don't want to think about it anymore.

There's a shirt that hangs unworn for the last few weeks, simply because you said you liked it. I can't wear it without thinking of that. And I don't want to think of you. That pair of earrings you said you loved, they sit underneath all the other jewelry; untouched since you left. There's a pair of jeans I hadn't worn in a good six months because I knew you wouldn't like them, I wore them three times in the last two weeks. And they are summer jeans, not winter ones but I couldn't help myself.

I'm tired of how your sudden absence left me feeling. I'm done with waiting for your return. And maybe someday soon I'll be able to look at that shirt and remember how it felt to wear it without attaching the emotional baggage that you've become. One day I'll pull out those earrings and want to wear them, because I like them and I should be able to wear my own belongings if I so choose. For now, I'll wear those jeans I know you'd hate. Because this is my big screw you. This is my final release of you. This is my goodbye.

My poor friends... they are tired of me talking about you. They've had enough of the stories and of my pathetic need to bring you up when I think everyone has forgotten. And so finally I've had enough too. I've run out of stories and people to tell. I've run out of words to explain the ache I felt when you first left. That ache has only grown, but mostly because I've allowed it to. I've slowly helped that ache grow into the monster size hole I see in my life right now.

But today, today I've decided that I've had enough. I'm tired of waiting. I'm tired of hoping. If you wanted any part of me, you'd be here. You'd have made an effort to stay relevant in my life. But you didn't. So I'll be here crying my final tears over you, holding onto the small token you gave me the only time you said you loved me.
This is goodbye.


CONVERSATION

1 thoughts:

  1. Hate him, love you! Missing your voice. Call me tonight lovey ��

    ReplyDelete

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