personal

Matters of the Heart

By Chandler - 8/20/2015

"I think we are all searching for the compliment to our soul even if we're not doing it actively. I think we're all searching for the person that does not complete us but traces our missing pieces. We're searching for someone who loves us for the downtime as much as the down falls. We're all searching for the person that makes waking up exciting and living more inviting." -- Sonya Matejko

We really are all looking for love, aren't we? I mean I don't sit around with my life on pause waiting for someone to complete it. But I like to think that finding love is a journey. It is a series of steps that you take -- while experiencing your own life -- that eventually lead to love.

I'm a firm believe in the notion that you must love yourself first. And why wouldn't you love yourself first? How is anyone else going to learn to love you if you can't help them out along the way. If I think that finding love is a journey, then falling in love (and staying there) is an adventure! Everything is a process and we have to be willing to accept that before we can truly fall and stay in love.

Now I know I've got someone out there thinking why am I even listening to this girl? What does she know? Has she even ever been in love?
Let me give you the cold, hard facts. I'm 23 years old. I've never been in love. And I'm surely no expert on this topic. But I've seen it happen and I've heard the trials that come with love. So why should you listen to me? Because I've got something to say. And if that's not a good enough reason, go ahead and stop listen (errr... reading).

I think somewhere along the way we have lost a sense of what love is. People tend to overuse the word love for materialistic things and underuse it where it is really needed, with people. I'm not saying this to be judge mental. Because trust me, I fall into this category far too often. But there is something to be said about realizing that. I know that it is one of my flaws and I can work on it.

I recently read an article or post or whatever you wanna call it on Thought Catalog (go figure, right?). I have a slight obsession with Thought Catalog articles (for lack of a better word) I tend to read them and take them to heart a little more than I probably should. But this one was a good one. It was on how we date in today's society. And it really stuck with me.

"When we choose-if we commit-we are still one eye wandering at the options. We want the beautiful cut of filet mignon, but we're too busy eyeing the mediocre buffet, because choice. Because choice. Our choices are killing us. We think choice means something. We think opportunity is good. We think the more chances we have, the better. But, it makes everything watered-down. Never mind actually feeling satisfied, we don't even understand what satisfaction looks like, sounds like, feels like. We're one foot out the door, because outside that door is more, more, more. We don't see who's right in front of our eyes asking to be loved, because no one is asking to be loved. We long for something that we still want to believe exists. Yet, we are looking for the next thrill, the next jolt of excitement, the next instant gratification."

It frustrates me because this is pretty spot-on. Now I don't wanna go ahead and say that I'm not like this but I do view things a little differently than today's constant world of the grass being greener on the other side. There is something to be said for the old fashion ways of dating and meeting people without a computer screen between you. And for some people those things work. For me, I won't try it. I don't want that to be a story I tell my children or grandchildren. If that is the future, count me out.

"We realize that this more we want is a lie. We want phone calls. We want to see a face we love absent of the blue dim of a phone screen. We want slowness. We want simplicity. We want a life that does not need the validation of likes, favorites, comments, upvotes. We may not know yet that we want this, but we do. We want connection, true connection. We want a love that builds, not a love that gets discarded for the next hit. We want to come home to people. We want to lay down our heads at the end of our lives and know we lived well, we lived the fuck out of our lives. This is what we want even if we don’t know it yet."

That's not how we, as a society, date today. But it's how I wish we would. It's how I still imagine dating to be. I think that some simplicity would do us all some good. People know what the want and at the end of the day, you need to realize what truly makes you happy. Spoiler: it isn't six new pairs of shoes; I've tried that.


  • Share:

You Might Also Like

1 thoughts

  1. ElineAugust 31, 2015 at 9:05 AM

    Wow this struck a cord with me. When I think about it, it's true. We are always thinking about the next thing and the next, always looking forward to tomorrow and not living in the moment or enjoying the small things in life.
    I'm nineteen and have also never been in love and I wonder if it will ever happen? Because I feel like I'm never good enough for others and I think that it has to do with the fact that we're always looking for something better and that we're never content with who we are and what and who we have. Maybe this is also why there are so much more divorces than there were in the past?

    ReplyDelete