Infatuation

Infatuation is mean. It is the ugly stepsister to love. But it can feel like so much more.

With infatuation, we fill in a lot of blanks. We fall in love with ideas rather than the actual person. Although this is a form of truthful attraction, it's not love. It's the overlapping of a matching purpose. A slanted guesstimate. Fantasy. And depending upon where you're at in your life and how much you want love or a relationship, it can like you won the lottery.
-- John Kim

Infatuation may be confused with love sometimes. And it can certainly leave your heart feeling broken much like love can. The hard thing about infatuation though is that you never got to experience everything that comes from true love. You never got to have that connection or that relationship. Sure, you got some feelings but where did that leave you.

We all have our ideas of the perfect relationship. I know that I sure do. And I know that it can be hard when my ideals don't align with yours. But I also know that I can't live my life fighting for infatuation. I wanted the idea of you, but I could never actually have you. Not the way I wanted you to be anyway. Because I created a side of you in my mind that didn't actually exist. I yearned for you to be different, but I wanted you the way you were at the same time. I didn't want you to change for me, so I changed the situation. I stopped fighting for it. And for the first time in a long time, I know that I'm going to be okay.

Maybe I did love you. But maybe I just loved who I thought you were. And I don't blame you for that. I blame this creative brain of mine.

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