Live for Yourself First

It's no secret that I have a slight obsession with Thought Catalog articles. I get drawn in by people who are writing about my feelings, because they are having these feelings too. It makes me feel less alone in a sense.

Anyway, last night I was reading some posts on Instagram and came across one from Nikita Gill on Thought Catalog. I cried while reading it. It was like she was speaking to me soul. It was exactly what I needed.

It's two-fold: I needed these words for myself because lately I've given someone permission to walk across my heart by not protecting it myself. But beyond that, I needed these words to reach a friend. Someone whom I love dearly, but who has maybe forgotten the people who were here first. I don't resent your relationship, please don't think that. I just want you to remember the people who were here before this relationship and who will ultimately be here after it ends...
Do not allow him to consume you, it is the consumption that will kill your soul, that will destroy your self respect, that will take from you when you are not looking. Sometimes love attacks you in ways you least expect it, and the person who said that love is not a destructive thing lied to you – love can be a terribly destructive thing, only if you let it. You are responsible for your own happiness always, and your emotional well being depends on how you react to a situation, how you respond to him when you find yourself in a relationship and it isn’t making you happy.

If he does not call, go to sleep. If he does not message, put your phone away and have a fantastic day anyway. If he acts distant when you are with him and refuses to tell you what is wrong even when you ask over and over again, don’t wait for him, go home and do something you love. If he tries to insinuate you do not need your friends now that you have him, never stop spending time with your friends. If he tries to teach you a lesson through the silent treatment, ignore him completely. Do not allow him to take your attention completely away from anything that was in your life before him, whether it is family, your friends and the things you love.

Keep your friendships. Your friends have been there for you through many many relationships and they will be through many more. Giving them up for a man, even the best of men is a bad idea. And a good man will never ever ask you to give your friends up for him.

Most importantly, do not allow anyone to emotionally manipulate you in any way, shape or form. Recognise the signs. Someone who loves you will make mistakes, but they will respect you. Someone who is using you will not respect you and will take every chance to drain your happiness for what they need from you.

If he plays with your feelings constantly, walk away from him. If he acts like your body is his entitlement when you are not ready, walk away from him. If he says terrible, unforgivable things and threatens to leave you after every argument, walk away from him. If he forbids you from doing anything you love, walk away from him. If he claims ownership of your accomplishments, walk away from him. If he demeans you or disrespects your being a girl and refuses to stop when you tell him it hurts, walk away from him. If he tries to suggest he should always be the most important thing in your life, walk away from him.

I cannot stress this enough, you live for yourself first. He is a secondary character in the story of your life. Do not allow him to turn you into a secondary character in your own book.

(original post)
Remembering to put myself first and be my own person has been extremely difficult lately. I'm trying to stick to the wise words of Eleanor Roosevelt, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." I've got to learn to put myself first; it's proving to be a difficult task for my stubborn heart and mind. But I keep pushing forward.


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